Do you remember the Fembots that were in the Austin Powers movie?  They were placed in Austin’s room to try to relax him and make him feel comfortable before they tried to kill him by shooting bullets out of their boobs.  Once Austin was feeling quite amorous, little pistols came out of their boobs and they tore up the room with bullets.

Today I would definitely qualify to be a Fembot!

Over the weekend, I did what every red-blooded American with a credit card does after Thanksgiving…..I went shopping for myself!!  Since most of my Christmas shopping is completed (I only have to get my niece a hamster and cage.  Which coincidentally REALLY makes me want to see that new movie “Bolt”.  I had a hamster when I was a kid and just seeing that little hamster in his ball on the big screen saying choice phrases such as “I’ll break his neck!” CRACKS. ME. UP!!!!  What can I say, I’m easily amused!!)  But I digress…

So since most of my Christmas shopping is completed, I decided to go shopping for myself.  I woke up at the crack of 8am on Friday morning (hey, that IS early!!) and lay in bed reading for an hour and a half waiting for Jeff to wake up.  When I remembered that he had said that he had absolutely no desire to go shopping, I quickly got dressed, left a note and ran out the door.

My first stop was to the mall.  No, I’m not suicidally trust me!!  I found a close parking spot very quickly (even though the lot was pretty full) and went inside.  I found some items of clothing that I had been wanting so I headed to a register.  Now, mind you, all the registers that I had already seen were 20+ people deep, so I figured I’d be waiting for a while.  NOT SO!!  I actually found a register with no one in line and checked out very quickly.  Apparently everyone was waiting for me to get in the line because when I turned to leave, the line was already 10 people long.  I figured my luck was going to run out soon so I decided to shop briefly in the mall, and headed home.

I needed to also buy some bras for my breasticles, AKA “over the shoulder boulder holders”.  This is usually a dreaded trip for me because, while there are a plethora of bras in sizes AA-C, stores tend to frown upon carrying sizes that could double as a very large yamika if the need arose.  (Yes, I have!!)  I decided to make a quick trip to Kohl’s on Sunday, and I believe I heard angels singing (perhaps just the piped in Christmas muzak but whatever) as I made my way over to the intimate apparel (intimata ropa for you Spanish speakers.  Yes, it was on the sign!).  I quickly found more bras in my size than I was planning on purchasing.  I almost fell over!!!  I couldn’t believe it!!  I made my selections, tried them on (another FUN activity at the store!  NOT!!) and checked out.  Thankfully, the line was not 2 1/2 hours long like it was on Friday morning, as my step mom informed me. 

So today I am wearing one of my new brassieres and I swear, the girls have not been this perky in a LONG time!  Seriously, I think they are going to develop a fear of heights any second.  I’m contemplating using them as a chin rest very soon.  I’ve been very concerned about rounding corners too fast, lest I poke someones eye out.

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